Autumn Anxiety
October 5, 2022
Preface
A writer reached out to me on behalf of Yahoo Life with questions regarding a video I posted on TikTok a few months ago. The video was an expression of the heightened anxiety, AKA ‘autumn anxiety,’ I experience each fall. The following are my answers to the questions.
What does 'autumn anxiety' look like for you?
Every year for the past 5 or so years, I have experienced increased anxiety levels in the fall. My feelings, thoughts, and behaviors all shift along with the change in seasons. I become more aware of and focused on worried and lonely feelings. Pressing life matters such as my career, love life, and self-identity burst to the forefront of my mind and form a daunting to-do list. I stay inside more, sometimes for days at a time, losing the workout routines and hobbies I worked so hard to develop over the spring and summer. All of these aspects feed off each other and create a cycle that is unpleasant and difficult to break.
What makes you anxious during this time of year?
Something that has always caused me anxiety is the pressure to make the most out of my life. Some people are afraid of death, but I am most fearful of not having lived. So, after a long, warm, and carefree summer, fall acts as an abrupt and cold reminder that time is passing. Maybe I’m pessimistic, but realizing that time is passing immediately starts the worry that I have not been making the most out of that time.
The “why” behind this autumn anxiety phenomenon is confirmed as I reflect upon another annual event that incites these same feelings: my birthday. Birthdays can be a sore spot for endless reasons, and for me, it serves as yet another reminder that I am aging and days are fleeting. As I do in the fall, I reflect on my most recent year and all of the collective years of my life thus far, and if I am not satisfied with who I am and what I have done, I am quick to conclude that I have wasted another precious year. Luckily, my birthday is only a single day in the springtime, so I’m more able to use the reminder as motivation to have a fulfilling summer.
How do you cope with the anxiety that arises?
I am still working on coping with this anxiety, but so far, I have found that understanding as much as possible about this phenomenon makes me feel more in control and calm. Identifying the correlations between my increased anxiety and the start of autumn was a momentous lightbulb moment for me. After recognizing this pattern, I have then been able to ask more of the “Who?”, “What?”, “Where?”, “When?”, and “Why?” questions to further investigate and get to the root of my autumn anxiety:
Who is involved? Am I affected by any other people during this time or is this truly an individual experience?
What are the changes that occur within me? What feelings can I identify? What thoughts have been occupying more of my mind lately compared to in past seasons? What changes in behavior can I identify? What happens in the fall that might cause these changes in my feelings, thoughts, and behaviors?
Where am I? Did I just recently move back to college? Could that be the cause of my anxiety? Has this autumn anxiety followed me to my post-grad life in a new city?
When is this happening? What timestamp triggers this? Is it Labor Day weekend or the first day below 70 degrees that marks the beginning of these feelings? Is it a gradual build or does this come upon me suddenly? When does it end?
Why do I feel more anxious in autumn? Why autumn and not any other season? Why me, do I hold specific values and/or fears that have created this unique experience that certain peers don’t seem to have? Why do I perceive the passing of time as a negative thing? How can I adopt a more positive perspective?
Thinking through and answering these questions grounds me in rationale, and knowing what to expect comforts me. Furthermore, talking through my experience with family, friends, and of course, my therapist allows me to solidify my understanding and build a foundation of improved thought processes and habits that I can consciously use against this harmful cycle. I have found that acting and changing my behaviors is the quickest way to lessen the intensity and impact of my worries as it provides an immediate distraction and a change in my mental and physical environment. As I mentioned, in the fall I tend to abandon certain routines and hobbies that I developed in the warmer months. Instead of letting the knot of anxiety in my stomach keep me in bed, I try to carry those activities through in the fall or find alternatives. For example, when it’s cold outside I know that I can’t lay out in the sun in Central Park like I enjoy doing, so I recently tried a hot yoga class. It successfully got me out of the house and allowed me to sweat and feel refreshed despite the moody weather. Everyone is different and some people may feel it’s easier to interject at the feeling or thought level instead of the behavior level, but that is a starting point that worked for me!
